Last weekend I got to know my inner critic a little better – I found out who it was, and what it was saying to me.
The perfect description of my inner critic is a passionate performer, who wants to show up on stage, move the crowd, but cannot do so, because she has black electrical tape over her mouth.
And this tape, is her security blanket. It’s what keeps her safe. It’s her armour of protection – but it’s also debilitating, because it's based on fear, and it stops her from sharing her gifts with the world.
That has always been me.
A quiet girl in the background who shows up when summoned, but often chooses to play it safe, and play it small. My inner critic is one that strives for perfection, and as a result, it often tells me that I am not good enough to be seen – that I will not be well received, and that I will ultimately fail… miserably.
I shared these thoughts with 17 of my peers last weekend, and I thought I was going to collapse with fear. My legs literally felt like they were going to give out.
Instead of falling over, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I realized that acknowledging the inner critic, gave it a lot less power.
The truth is, we all have those tiny voices in our heads that tell us we’re not good enough, but it’s only a representation of who we think we are. If I can picture the voice as a performer with tape on her mouth, I can easily detach myself away from her.
With detachment (and a lot of support from my peers), my social media accounts have been on fire since last weekend. I shared my blog, and I even created a Facebook Page for my coaching practise.
On a side note, did you know that there is no option to ‘select all’ when inviting your friends to ‘like’ your Page?
I invited each friend… one by one. Each invite was hard, excruciating, and filled with a lot anxiety. But at the end of 350 clicks from my mouse on my laptop – I felt liberated.
You see, the only thing that kept me going was the idea that I wanted to be true and honest to who I was, and what my values were. I value courage, not in the absence of fear, but because of it. And in order to live true to that – I needed to show up and be seen.
Because who I am really – is a woman with a lot of gifts to share.